as soon as i get one idea for something then a million ideas start forming in my head and sometimes i lose track of what i originally started with.
i think this is normal with everyone but sometimes it gets to the point of being so incredibly over whelming that i end up giving up on it all and never accomplishing anything.
i think also sometimes i ascribe a higher meaning to myself than is really true. sometimes i feel like i have these special powers or something, like have something special that makes me different and that justifies a lot of my decisions.
then i was reading about something is astrology called singletons.
a singleton is when in your astrological chart you have a planet or a sign that stands out as being either the only one in it's element (
fire, earth, air, water) or the only one of it's quality (cardinal, mutable, fixed)
so, although i am a Leo, Leo is the only fire sign in my chart and it is also my sun sign.
which is a pretty in your face "planet" to have a singleton in.
anyways, what i am trying to get at with all this, is that i was reading that a sun single with have ego issues. and i was reading an example of a leo man who also had a sun singleton and who, like me, had a moon in pisces. he thought he had these special qualities about him.
this kind of woke something up in me about how i act sometimes and how i often think of myself.
sometimes i brush things off because i feel like i can handle it, because i am meant to do things a certain way because of who i am. which is like, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
the thing is, i like thinking like that.
i feel like, it gives me a purpose. thinking i'm "special" or something, like who i am in particular actually means something.. like i am higher. well, it's obvious what those thoughts bring to me, it's a confidence thing.
the thing with people who are very confident, who have a self righteous attitude about them, the thing is about those kind of people are that without that confidence, they fall right down into the very opposite.
they are the lonesome fellows who isolate themselves because "no one understands" and if they don't have some kind of personal higher reasoning for that, then, they're just rejects. no one understands them because they are useless.
so of course, with this kind of complex, one
wants to,
has to believe they're something else or have something else.
the most confident people are usually also the most insecure.
if someone has one thing in them, they have the other.
it all depends on where energy is being directed.
this is something i strongly believe. opposites. are. the same.
the sun is Leos ruling planet. this is why the majority of Leos need to be out there and be appreciated or even praised for the thing that they are best/very good at.
they need to have some kind of outlet where people can give them the positive attention that they need to feel like they belong.
Leo or not. sun singleton whatever-ness or not.
that is how i feel. this is something that i've been able to identify in myself.
this is why astrology just keeps doing it for me.
because it clues me in to ideas that i wouldn't have come to on my own. ideas that i can assign to things about myself. so i can be conscious of myself. so i .. ? so i...
so now that i know this, i can know it. and if i see myself praising myself to much, i know to bring the ego down a notch.
also i should say, if you have a comment or a question you should totally write me something. just click the comments link like right under this. it would be really awesome. you can be anonymous. do it. write anything.
