certain people's profiles just make you mad caus you just want to be them

the art of conversation

being a good conversationalist means giving others the space to speak
and opening up possibilities for the other to speak


there is open conversation and there is closed conversation


-


speaking used to hold much more value

speaking in tongues, in rhymes
being cleaver and thoughtful of your next sentence
witt
trying to out-do other conversationally

gifts should not be given at work

depressing

the more activity i have, the more activity you have.
apparently.

blergh. i never write to myself anymore. i used to write write write all the things i was thinking.
here, elsewhere, in a note book on the metro.
all the time writing down the thoughts that were busting through my head.

now i never do and when i think i want to write something then i forget what i even wanted to write about.

and now my brain is back and forth between things.
stupid things, confusing things.
the preoccupations with which my mind amuses or troubles itself seem much more useless than the ones i used to have.
it's all the same thing now, it seems.

feeling a certain way. never being able to shake that feeling.
sometimes for a moment i shake it but it comes back quick.
and the humidity only makes it worse.

bouncing back and forth between different humans.
relationships with people.
it's been the focus.

will things change? how will they change? i want them to change.
but for the better, please.
that would be better, if it was for the better.

or maybe the next life
atleast
thanks.

but you're walking..

girl with shirt that says "YOU CAN'T SIT WITHUS"
ugghhhh but i reeeally wanted tooo

dig dig dig

"just cuz you in front of the goalie, don't mean you gunna score"

it seems rather insignificant considering that we, well.. exist.

it seems technology does not work well in my hands
and by this i mean that all my computers or cell phones always suck
if it is a computer type object, it always tends to start working much slower and eventually crash
i always feel like there is too much trash on my computer
but i dont know how to clean a computer

computers are weird

i hate things, i like things. whatever.

don't kid yourself

i'm just gunna paint pictures of every hot guy

to get it out of my system
just like i used to
when i was 13
and i would draw pictures of my boyfriends or guys i liked or guys i thought were super hot

like a neeerrrrdddd

mentally

stimulating?

VIII

frustration. hate. stupidity. whatever.

i wanna stop it have the upper hand etc etc but it doesn't even matter.
i need to wait so i can have that but i feel like it wont happen.
i want more than that but that definitely won't happen.

i want alot of things
it seems
although not that much.



something else


you have this preoccupation with
status and class
and maybe you grew up with money or whatever
and i don't even know if you did
but i feel like you want that, you want to have the life in the hills in the windy roads
and you ask yourself questions about the people who live those lives
and you take interest in what it may be like and say their lives are just the same as ours
and perhaps they are but it can't be judged so generally like that.
and i feel like i've said alot of stupid stuff around you, like i've rambled on forever talking to a windshield not even knowing if you were paying attention or not
and feeling in the end like you judged me for it or looked down on me for the way i am and realized we are not alike and in fact you don't like me very much
but it's silly because i don't like you either and i don't like the things you say and i find you way to disconnected from the things that i am connected to or that i think about or find important

there is a cross over between us, but a very narrow one.
and i would like to explore it more in a proper way but you don't.

m y  c o m p u t e r  i s  a l i v e 

reading abstractions to feel closer to the real thing?
kinda works kinda doesn't work
usually leaves me wanting to get closer but i know time stands in between and patience is difficult

dualistic in my entirety

ENTIRELY DUALISTIC

the best thing, is to not have a plan, that way, if you go off the plan, you're not really going off anything at all, so it just cancels itself out, and then it's all cool.

yeahh i'm hasty

ahhh all these capricorn moons these days

and all these switching up of things and reoccurring experiences in weird ways weird weird ways but i'm learning it's okay i think things are changing that's good i know i'm tough i need to be stronger about things but i need things i want things and it's hard to find but there's hints that it's possible but it's hard to find so i just need something to know it so i let it happen which is so hard to do but ahh i'll try i'll try it's hard i'm hasty i'll try to slow it down.

a lot of realizations, learning. it feels good. it's good to learn things about yourself and about how you might be and try to use it to fix things or make them feel better. it's good to be self conscious but not too much where it become detrimental to self but just enough so you know why you are doing things and so you can try and help yourself and be true to yourself and be true to others.

also letting go of somethings that were lurking and they needed to be forgotten so i did that. thank goodness. thaaaaank goodness. no more V. nomorenmorenomore.

woooaah! im at over 10 000 views since the beginning of my blog! it might not seem like much compared to like, a you tube video haha but daaang. that's pretty cool. even if alot of it is random google searches that get people here haha.

but i can't stress enough that people should friggin comment on posts and shit!

i really love that so very very much!

you can do it anonymously, write whatever you want! hate things, love things, i don't care! 

but write something. share something. do it do it do it do it.

overhearing conversations you shouldnt be hearing

it's like you want to
like you want to know

but sometimes
it isn't so good
sometimes
you know to much

that maybe you knew
but you didn't want to know for sure

anyways
now i guess i know for sure