what am i even doing

i dont know.
calling people just so they can answer so i can tell them i felt like talking to them.
but no one answers.
or they laugh as theyre picking up because theyre going to see a movie.

so forget talking to someone about whatever or whatever.

yesterday i defended charlie bartlett.
i was all embarassed.
i think he wanted to make contact with me after class but i smirked and looked down and kept walking.
why do i do that?
i make it so much more of a big deal by not saying anything and being all awkward.
i could have just said hey.
i kept thinking about turning around and asking him what his name was but then i just thought about it too much so i forgot about it.
eventually he fell behind but i did see him with his scarf walk by some other part of the school.
i think i will say something, he is a friendly face in a class with a charlie bartlett voice who was right about baby bonuses ( i will tell him he was right).

i am looking very much forward to getting my wireless card back on my computer because all i have been doing is getting addicted to sims and my stupid sims family who just had twins boys and it's very hectic to take care of them.
when i have the internet in my room i am more connected to the world and i can work on my website or write on this which i feel is productive in a way for some reason..?
i can also do research about things and even possibly go on msn (omg!)

but mostly i need to do alot of scanning and get photoshop on my computer but my mom is always on the computer downstairs so i can't use the scanner and it's so hard to get motivated about these things. especially when the drawings keep piling up in my notebook and i havent scanned any yet.

i am so confused when it comes to certain people because i feel like maybe im making a break through but i could also be totally wrong. it would be nice to know about these things. some times its hard to tell if certain people truly like you or not. sometimes you are with certain people and you are having a really great time and talk talk talking non stop but then sometimes you can feel like certain people dont want to be around you, or maybe they need a break from you, which is perfectly fine. it would be nice though to have the initial reassurance of how certain people feel about you so you don't have to worry all the time when one little thing is off, but you don't want to have to bring it up because it just makes things awkward and what if youre not really sure about how you feel about certain people either? if youre not sure about where you stand or what you want, because when things are going good its so easy to say that this is what you want and when things arent perfect it's even easier to give up or say that this is infact NOT what you want.

so how are you really supposed to know these things anyways?
i don't know.

i need to check for trees, be a teachers pet and.. i'm not sure.
i guess this is it for now.