your typical diary entry

i just called mike and told him that i wasn't going to hang out finally.
actually he is the one who called me while i was in the middle of texting him that i wasn't going to chill, like a complete loser.
i feel bad, but only because near the end of the conversation he sounded kind of sad? i was trying to make other plans with him.
i do want to hang out but it is a) late b) i am tired c) i want to be able to go pick up my brother from work d) maddy isn't answering her phone e) i wanted to smoke a fuck load of weed earlier, but now i don't really want to because i am more in the mood do stay home and do nerdy things and pick up my brother as i have already mentioned f) my hair is kind of gross.

i feel like a total loser because i hung out with maddy like everyday pretty much for the past two weeks and i even slept over at her house yesterday and woke up next to her this morning but i still would have chilled with her today and the only reason i didnt ask her to chill with me like this morning or earlier was because ive seen her so much and i dont want her to get sick of me or be like "oh no, laura again." so i never asked her, really, but i did text her earlier to come chill with me and mike, and then i texted her saying that i was playing skipbo with my parents and then i called her wanting to ask her to come with me to chill with mike etc, but she didnt pick up. she didnt asker my text either, only the one about skip bo. i think actually if maddy would have answered her phone i would have gone to chill with mike and who ever else he is with, which is just a bunch of dudes most likely, and i dont want to be like, the only random chick with a bunch of dudes who all know eachother and hang out all the time. if it was just like, me, mike and mac or something then yeah but it sounded like there were like 4 other guys over the phone so yeah, i think i just prefer to stay here. he was probably super baked on the phone when i spoke to him, so yeah i can just explain him all this next time we hang out.

oh yeah he even asked me to hang out monday (labour day) but i said that i mightt be doing something, which i really might, like i cannot make any plans for that day because if steph is able to chill then im going to chill with him because we need a chill day to just well... chill and talk and see what's going on and everything, so i really cant ditch that. i guess i would feel weird telling mike like, "oh i promised my bf" caus its weird i never talk about having one so its like i dont, although i think i said "oh me and my bf..blah blah" infront of mike randomly like when i first saw him this semester.

also ryan invited me to a party at his house tomorrow night which i think i would probably like to go to. i will only go if maddy comes with me, so i will have to invite her tomorrow and i feel kind of lame because again, i see her all the time, but she is the only person i would want to go with me and if she doesn't come no one else will and i will not go even if i want to. i would not want to show up alone, it would be weird, embarassing maybe, lonely.. awkward. plus maddy is super fun with tons of people, she's very sociable.