the sound of cats fucking in my backyard

if anyone has any idea what that sounds like you know how terrible it is to listen too.




it's been happening increasingly frequently lately that i daydream of just walking away and leaving everything around me.

at this very moment i am seriously considering ditching the idea of applying to university for next year.
i just, have no idea.
not to mention, i have to have 15 pieces of seriously amazing work done and photographed in 11 days and this will most likely never be possible.
i don't even want to bother.
secondly, i do not have money.
i have some money, but not enough to last me.
and i don't knwo myself.  i know that leaving would be such a good opportunity to figure myself out and to be on my own.
this is one of the leading reasons for me to go away, and i cannot really afford to go away unless it is for school, and i also don't want to waste precious moments of my life just fucking around when i could be learning, diong things.

i don't think i will go next year.
there is too much here that i need to work on/work with.
i can do other things, but i need to change something if i want to be satisfied with staying.


i want to just take my bike, a back pack and go as far as i can by foot.
waste money on a train, leave, go somewhere.
nomad.
sleep in the streets.
look around.
see.
just do something and be somewhere else, but would be as satisfying as my imagination believes it to be?
there is no answer.

(viktor vauthier)