depressing

the more activity i have, the more activity you have.
apparently.

blergh. i never write to myself anymore. i used to write write write all the things i was thinking.
here, elsewhere, in a note book on the metro.
all the time writing down the thoughts that were busting through my head.

now i never do and when i think i want to write something then i forget what i even wanted to write about.

and now my brain is back and forth between things.
stupid things, confusing things.
the preoccupations with which my mind amuses or troubles itself seem much more useless than the ones i used to have.
it's all the same thing now, it seems.

feeling a certain way. never being able to shake that feeling.
sometimes for a moment i shake it but it comes back quick.
and the humidity only makes it worse.

bouncing back and forth between different humans.
relationships with people.
it's been the focus.

will things change? how will they change? i want them to change.
but for the better, please.
that would be better, if it was for the better.

or maybe the next life
atleast
thanks.