VIII

frustration. hate. stupidity. whatever.

i wanna stop it have the upper hand etc etc but it doesn't even matter.
i need to wait so i can have that but i feel like it wont happen.
i want more than that but that definitely won't happen.

i want alot of things
it seems
although not that much.



something else


you have this preoccupation with
status and class
and maybe you grew up with money or whatever
and i don't even know if you did
but i feel like you want that, you want to have the life in the hills in the windy roads
and you ask yourself questions about the people who live those lives
and you take interest in what it may be like and say their lives are just the same as ours
and perhaps they are but it can't be judged so generally like that.
and i feel like i've said alot of stupid stuff around you, like i've rambled on forever talking to a windshield not even knowing if you were paying attention or not
and feeling in the end like you judged me for it or looked down on me for the way i am and realized we are not alike and in fact you don't like me very much
but it's silly because i don't like you either and i don't like the things you say and i find you way to disconnected from the things that i am connected to or that i think about or find important

there is a cross over between us, but a very narrow one.
and i would like to explore it more in a proper way but you don't.